I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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