I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
