hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
