Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
