after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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