Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
