you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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