can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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