so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
