Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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