Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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