I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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