Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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