wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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