i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
