Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
