I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
