i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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