u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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