Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
