I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
