If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
