You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Buhtt sex?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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