At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
