I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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