I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize