I want you more than these girls want KFC
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Alive.
So much puke
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
