Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
