I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
