I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
