Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
