matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize