I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
