Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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