with your own penis?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
