A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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