dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
