the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize