i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
