Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
