Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
