you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
