somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
