my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That's how pantless uber rides happen
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
