Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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