This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
