So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
