how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
