I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
