you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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