the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
