Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
