lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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