After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
