So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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