youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize