i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
