If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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