Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
