I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
