Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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