some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
