Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
