I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize