i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
