i need an iv and a liver transplant
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
