not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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