I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
