dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
