the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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