i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
