The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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