dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
