Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
