Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize