So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
